“Booty Call Babies”

I keep wondering if I can copyright this word. I’m sure the US Copyright office will let me know as they certainly have my application by now. I just hope my thirty dollar check doesn’t bounce. The legal bills are kicking my a$$.

"Booty Call Daddy": A close cousin to "Baby Daddy", but entered into fatherhood through a relationship that was not a mutual loving relationship between with a woman he acknowledged as his girlfriend or woman. The man would have to have been unmarried and either not in an exclusive relationship with the woman who became pregnant with his seed or had made clear to this woman at some point before the pregnancy and constantly and consistently declared post-pregnancy that he does NOT wish to become a father with this woman at this time (generally at ANY time).

"Booty Call Momma" (aka. Booty Call Mommy" or "Booty Call Mom") and also "Baby Mamma" is the mother of said child who was either not on birth control. She may also have been careless in her birth control and/or lied about her birth control in someway that if she had not done so, the father would have likely either used a condom at the time or times that felt may result (up to and including every encounter) in conception or would have chosen to not have intercourse with the woman at all. Does not necessarily mean that any deception was involved, but ultimately the woman must have had a choice at one or more points to not become a mother, even if that meant abortion or adoption. I would suggest that in order to be a “booty call momma” as opposed to just a “baby momma”, a woman must have at least the ability to raise the child without child support.

“Booty Call Baby” – An innocent child stuck in the middle of “booty call daddy”, who despite having always tried to be a decent or even good person, cannot help but to resent them and the situation and potentially a “booty call momma” who may have some objection to abortion or who selfishly decided they would become a mother regardless (including regardless of who the “sperm donor was”). Child usually isn’t impoverished, but is pre-disposed to suffer emotional damage growing up because of the limitation of the parents or the never ending conflict.

Okay, I totally understand the economic reasons behind our country’s obsessive desire to hunt, humiliate, overly burden and in some cases destroy non-custodial fathers, it doesn’t make it right or fair. It’s about as fair as the government withholding cures to the most dreaded diseases in order to insure that the pharmaceutical engine continues to run smoothly. Oops, did I digress into some bizarre conspiracy theory? I’m sorry, I did, that’s not my territory, belief (or disbelief) or battle. I’m here to talk about the inherent differences in both biology and psychology of men and women and why we have to reform the way we tax, sorry, I mean assess child support in this country.

When my child was born in California in 1999, the biological father, without any DNA or even blood testing, signed a declaration of paternity, under penalty of perjury, declaring himself the natural father. Basically, he was waiving his right to ever demand a paternity test in attempt to avoid child support. It would allow the state to garnish his wages to collect such support, if I made the request. Lucky for dear old dad, I believe whole heartedly in paternity testing. There’s really only one thing bothering me about the mandatory paternity testing and it’s not the woman who decided they’d like to screw around and lie about the paternity of their child. If there is any chance that you are carrying a child that has more than one potential father, you need to tell both or neither and go about your way forever; and I do mean forever. If some guy does fly into a violent rage and commits violence against that women (not like there aren’t people who do such things for no good reason) then prosecute him in accordance with the law, but don’t let that stop the apparent 1-25 guys who are entitled to know the truth. Some want to tweak the law? Make it upon the request of the “alleged” biological father……wait, did I just say “ALLEGED” biological father? Yea, I did. Okay that guy, then make it at his request, but I don’t want to hear a damn thing about appeals to mandatory testing. The appeals process ends at about week 20, or whenever the legal cutoff is for abortion in this country. After that, ladies and gentlemen open wide a swab is comin’.

I am a women who has spent years and years of my life in a constant state of perplex “ness” (I’m pretty sure that’s not a word) about the stories I heard about women and what they were like and I kept saying “I’m not like that” and now I realize just how unlike them I was. I’m not slamming women everywhere, but I am switching sides. I’m not sure how many sides there are or which one I’m switching to, but whatever side it is will not only support mandatory paternity testing but will also support “virtual abortion” for guys faced with the prospect of becoming a “booty call daddy” to a “booty call baby”. I know that the term “booty call” has taken on somewhat of a disparaging tone, but make no mistake, I don’t mean it to be disparaging at all. From the mixture of anger, depression, shame I would suggest that the trauma he suffered is not less traumatic that a woman carrying the child of a man who sexually assaulted her. I know that’s a strong statement, and it’s in no way meant to demean or minimize the pain of a woman faced with that situation, but a woman faced with that situation has an option that my daughter’s father didn’t have. She had to power to see that that organism she carried would never become a life. That’s a clinical way of putting it, and again it’s not a judgment or even necessarily a reflection of my belief (please don’t read into it) about how much of a life is contained in a embryo at eight to ten weeks gestation. I’m not a doctor or scientists of any kind. I am not pro life or pro abortion, but I am pro virtual abortion. If a woman is pro-life and find’s herself in this situation, more than likely, she can place her child for adoption with a family who is ready to love that child without the baggage having been victimized by the perpetrator. So now, hopefully with the proper counseling, a scared woman can move on with her life and a family somewhere who was suffering from the pain of infertility can experience the joy of parenthood and likely has the means and the desire to care for that child.

There is NO such thing as forced parenting, only voluntary parenting. What people do when they harbor resentments against the child (albeit innocent) and/or the “booty call mother” who forced them into fatherhood is NOT parenting. Right now, it’s after 2:00am and I haven’t slept more than three hours for the last two nights, but I hope when I finally get a good night sleep, I’ll have a name for what these men are doing and make no mistake, it is by no means a condemnation. I can’t imagine anything causing more resentment than having a child you never wanted, by a woman you never wanted (to do anything with but screw) and maybe never even liked and being forced to pay for the privaledge. For those who are able to set aside those feelings, good for you, but for those who don’t or can’t, why should you be made into a stigma? So one day, instead of being given a “Declaration of Paternity” to sign upon the birth of a “booty call baby”, I’d like to see a “intent to abort” which, upon agreement of said mom will allow her to withhold visitation and allow said dad to never be required to pay child support. If for some reason or economic engine just can continue to roar without the income, then fine, let’s institute a tax, maybe even a voluntary one, let’s call it insurance, like state disability here in California or something similar, paid by men and women. Women, you don’t want to pay the tax, opt out and face mandatory abortion, fail to abort if you’d opted out, face ineligibility to receive welfare, you’re stuck with payments with limits similar to state disability. Guys, you want to opt out of the tax? Fine, you are no longer eligible to file intent to abort. Under age and/or never worked? You can make your intent, but are required to be notified that you are ineligible to opt out of the tax for a specified period of time, preferably until the child is 18. Hey, like social security, the tax is for strictly economic purposes and is no fault although arguably it clearly is. Women who have fought long and hard (no pun intended) to maintain the right to choose, or control your body if you have an abortion, you now have a choice.

Check back often for more likely unpopular, possibly bash worthy “policy suggestions” to deal with the epidemic of “booty call families”. Myself, I would gladly “tax up” to keep my “booty call daddy” from tormenting me.

Affectionately,

“Booty Call Mommy”